I brought my kids to the ranch where I grew up, something I hadn’t done in eight years. The last time I was here, Harmony was only 18 months old. I wasn’t planning to stop or engage with my adoptive parents—I was just going to do a quick drive-by to show the kids where I grew up and keep moving. But as we pulled up, one of my kids asked, “Can we meet Mimi and Papa?” And in that moment, I knew this wasn’t about me anymore.
I laid the anxiety and pain at His feet and let my kids have the choice. As someone who advocates so strongly for personal autonomy—especially for adoptees—this moment wasn’t just about my healing. It was about practicing what I preach. My kids didn’t grow up with the same experiences I had, & I didn’t want to make this decision for them out of my own pain. They deserved the chance to decide for themselves.
We knocked. No one answered. So we walked back to the cars, I pointed out the playscape I played on, the creek I ice skated on, & Papa’s old workshop. Then, just as I was snapping a photo of the kids in front of the house, my dad stepped outside. My kids, who had never met him before, ran right over. And for ten minutes, he got to meet his grandchildren. It was an incredible scene.
It wasn’t a deep conversation, but it was something. I watched his face light up. I listened to my littlest son laugh when his dog Rex licked his face, and for a moment, we all stood in the tension of brokenness and beauty. My heart grieved what’s been lost—but I left with peace, knowing I did the right thing.
It’s moments like these—like when I lead worship—where I have to live out what I sing: welcoming the Holy Spirit into our homes, into the brokenness and messiness of family dysfunction, and making space for Him to clear out anything that doesn’t align with His truth. In that moment, I believe that’s exactly what He did. He cleared the way for something small, but sacred.
Parenting means protecting, yes. But it also means letting our kids have choices. Yesterday, I chose to let go. And it was hard. But it was holy.
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