Our New Journey Known as Parenthood

I couldn’t believe the tangible presence of the Lord when this little one entered into the world.  This is when my new journey as a parent began. With constant fear and paranoia that our little one could have birth defects or other unknown health issues throughout the nine months of pregnancy, we were very blessed to have delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl. After the chaos and adrenaline rush of the delivery had slowed down, my husband and I were able to finally get aquatinted with the new member of the family. I had a long road of recovery ahead of me due to having a cesarean section, but we were told we’d be discharged within just a few days.  Our friends weren’t joking when they told us sleep wouldn’t be in our vocabulary once the little one was born. We learned that when the baby is sleeping, you sleep too. Thinking we were going to be discharged within the next couple of days, we were informed by the pediatrician that our daughter’s head measurements were smaller than what they should be for her size.  This was also known to be called microcephaly. Due to the presence of microcephaly they wanted to run various tests to understand the underlying cause.

With our permission, they ran some blood tests, MRI scans, and urine samples and discovered that Harmony had a Cytomegalovirus infection (CMV).  We later learned that seventy percent of adults have contracted CMV. However, it is harmless and nearly symptom-free. CMV is only dangerous as a congenital infection when the mother acquires an active infection during pregnancy. When infected in utero, a baby’s development can be affected causing neurological disorders and learning disabilities.
Once the information had settled in and we learned about Harmony’s diagnosis, an overwhelming amount of emotions rushed through me. I couldn’t help but cry because I was so angry with myself. All this time, I did everything in my power during this pregnancy to eliminate anything that could threaten my little one’s health. Yet here I was, being told that my daughter has this infection that could alter her life. The possibility of Harmony having any type of neurological problem or learning disability scared me because the last thing I wanted was for her to have to walk in my shoes and experience the struggle of being ostracized due to her differences. I promised myself that no matter the outcome I would never treat her as the scapegoat within our family or encourage division amongst her siblings regarding her differences. No matter what choices she makes down the road, whether good or bad, I will never devalue who she is as a person or feel the need to justify her behavior to the public.  Family upbringing contributes mightily to our emotional state. There is no one better than me who understands that our families can either make us or break us. They can inspire us to be the people we are today, and depending on the role within our family, we can either feel a deep sense of acceptance, or a deep feeling of rejection pervading our lives.

We found out that the pediatrician read the results of the CMV test wrong, and instead of it being positive it was negative for CMV. It was finally discharge day! Our little family was discharged as they cleared Harmony on her tests. Several weeks had past and with lots of prolonged appointments, the neurologist and infectious disease doctor exhausted all types of tests for conditions that were related to microcephaly and presently we haven’t been able to find any discernible reason for her petite head.  Despite the scare concerning Harmony’s health, we are very glad we went the extra mile to run tests on her and follow up with the neurologist and infectious disease doctor. Having that piece of mind was worth it, and we are grateful for her continued health.

Those promises I made earlier… they still remain. No matter if the diagnosis was positive and Harmony ended up with developmental issues, I would never put a label on her or make her feel inadequate. I know too well that when you put a label on your child it will define them for the rest of their life. I am a wife and mother, and even to this day, I struggle with self-worth because I was labeled at one point in time and it was completely destructive to who I was as a person.  It ruined relationships and altered peoples’ perspective of who I was. It doesn’t matter how many counseling sessions you go to or how many boundaries you set, none of it can be reversed. I will always be vigilant and watch what I say to my children because of the way we talk to them becomes their inner voice.

I praise God for the restoration of everything I thought was lost at one point in life. Daily the Lord overflows my soul with new blessings, and this little love gift is now my whole world.