When it comes to racism, my understanding has evolved significantly. Initially, I thought of racism as individual acts of prejudice or hatred, such as making a racist comment or doing something overtly hateful. These acts were easy to identify and condemn, fitting neatly into my early conceptions of what it meant to be racist. However, I now realize that racism is much more organized and ingrained in our society. It permeates housing, school systems, policymaking, and even the justice system. This systemic nature of racism means it influences every aspect of life, often in ways that are insidious and deeply rooted in historical and structural inequities.
I used to believe that racism was mainly about outward and blatant hatred from some individuals towards non-white people, while others were not racist. Now, I understand that it’s much more complex. Racism often starts with the family of origin and how one learns to perceive and categorize people. These early influences shape our views and behaviors in ways that can be subtle but pervasive. Previously, I didn’t even recognize specific thoughts and behaviors as racist. These biases were so ingrained that they felt ordinary and unremarkable. Now, I am actively working to rewire my brain and unlearn those ingrained beliefs. This process involves constant self-reflection, educating myself about systemic racism, and engaging in open conversations.
Understanding the pervasive nature of racism has been a transformative journey. It has required me to confront uncomfortable truths about myself and my society. This ongoing journey of unlearning and relearning is challenging but essential for fostering genuine inclusivity and equity. It has made me more aware of the subtle ways in which racism operates and the importance of actively working against it in all areas of life.
Being adopted into a predominantly white family, one might assume that because my adoptive parents chose to adopt a child of color, they would not be racist. They might even be considered the epitome of a non-racist evangelical Christian family. During my younger years, I don’t recall hearing any conversations or comments about racism. However, once I reached my teens, I noticed minor remarks made during movies with African American actors, especially when the plot involved them being criminals. At the time, those remarks didn’t affect me profoundly, but in retrospect, I realize they were implicitly racist. These comments, often made in passing, revealed an underlying bias I hadn’t recognized before.
Still, I wanted to believe that my adoptive parents did not harbor biased views or prejudices. How could they, when they had adopted two children from Ethiopia and two from Cambodia? It wasn’t until I met my first husband, who was African American that I began to question this belief. When I told them I was dating a Black man, they were reluctant about the relationship solely because of his race. They warned me about Black culture, claiming that Black people often come from rough backgrounds, experience higher rates of divorce, and grow up in separated homes. They implied that infidelity was common in such environments, and this was something I needed to be wary of.
Unfortunately, my ex-husband did come from a complex background. He didn’t know his biological father because his mother kept it a secret from him and his brother, and he had two half-siblings. My adoptive parents felt their prejudices were justified because my ex-husband fit their stereotypes. Initially, they disapproved of our relationship, but eventually, they came around, albeit reluctantly. However, a year into our marriage, I discovered that my ex-husband had been cheating on me with multiple women, and he had been unfaithful throughout our engagement. This behavior only reinforced my family’s negative beliefs about Black people. My experience with my ex-husband also reinforced my prejudices about Black people, which I had internalized over time.
Moving forward, I had to consciously work on separating my negative experiences with one individual from my perceptions of an entire race. It was a challenging process, but I knew it was necessary to unlearn these biases and develop a more fair and nuanced understanding. This journey of self-reflection and education has been ongoing, helping me to recognize and confront my prejudices while striving to foster genuine inclusivity and respect. Through therapy, reading, and engaging in conversations with people from diverse backgrounds, I have made significant progress in reshaping my views and understanding the broader systemic issues.
About two years ago, I had two very close friends. Despite our shared theology and belief system in Christianity, our diverse upbringings and ethnic backgrounds often led to clashes. One friend was African American, while the other came from a predominantly white background. Although I grew up in a white household, I embraced my Asian culture and identified as Asian American. Our different perspectives often made our conversations rich but sometimes contentious.
One day, we were discussing a movie in which the leading actor, traditionally portrayed by a white actor, was played by an African American. We debated the interpretation and the significance of this casting choice. However, the conversation took a turn when our friend from a predominantly white background commented, “What if there was a movie about Martin Luther King Jr. and a white person played him? Black people would be up in arms about that.” She was visibly upset about the casting of a Black actor in a role typically played by a white actor, arguing it was a double standard.
This incident highlighted the deep-seated differences in our views on race and representation. While my African American friend and I saw the casting as a positive step towards diversity and inclusion, our white friend viewed it as an unnecessary departure from tradition. Her reaction underscored the broader societal tensions around race and representation in media. This was particularly troubling because it showcased her inconsistent stance with the Christian values of love and equality we all claimed to uphold. It revealed a blind spot where her cultural and racial biases contradicted her professed beliefs. This friend had previously shown signs of racial bias, but this incident brought those issues to the forefront.
In the case of the friendship circle, there needed to be a proper resolution. Our white friend was unwilling to pursue personal growth and education, claiming instead that my other friend and I, both people of color, were the ones who were racist and needed more education. Additionally, she stated that she couldn’t possibly be racist because she attends a very diverse church. This accusation was hurtful and ironic, considering she visibly advocated for a more inclusive understanding of race and representation. Her reluctance to self-reflect and quickness to deflect responsibility highlighted the inconsistency in her Christian behavior, which should ideally include humility, introspection, and a commitment to justice and equality.
It’s essential to recognize that maintaining friendships that are racist can be harmful to your well-being and personal values. It’s healthy and entirely okay to set boundaries with friends who exhibit racist behavior. Establishing these boundaries is a form of self-respect and can protect you from toxic interactions. If necessary, it is also okay to end such friendships, especially if there is a refusal to change or grow. Prioritizing your mental and emotional health, as well as aligning your relationships with your core values of equality and respect, is essential for fostering a positive and supportive social environment.
By sharing these two specific experiences, I encourage others to begin their paths of self-reflection and growth, helping to create a more just and equitable world. Faith and transformation are powerful tools for overcoming racism within a Christian framework. Embracing the core Christian values of love, humility, and equality can guide us toward personal and societal change. Through these principles, we can foster understanding, bridge divides, and genuinely live out the teachings of our faith in our daily interactions and relationships.
Reflecting on these experiences, a few key lessons stand out to me. First, racism is not just about overt acts of hatred; it’s deeply ingrained in our societal structures and personal biases. Just because you go to a well-diversified church or adopt children of color doesn’t negate the fact that you could be biased. Recognizing this systemic nature is crucial for meaningful change. Second, it’s vital to confront and challenge our own prejudices, even when it’s uncomfortable. This process of self-reflection and education is ongoing but essential for personal growth and fostering inclusivity. Lastly, setting boundaries with those who perpetuate racist behaviors, even if they are close friends or family, is necessary for maintaining one’s well-being and integrity. By sharing my journey, I hope to inspire others to undertake their transformation paths, guided by the values of love, humility, and equality at the heart of the Christian faith. Together, we can work towards a more just and equitable world.
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